Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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