woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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