I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
