Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
