hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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