jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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