I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He did a backflip because drugs
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
