Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
