Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
