I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
