i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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