im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
