there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
