from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
