She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
