yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
