We won't sleep together?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
