it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
