I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
