i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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