I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
