Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
