she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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