the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
