the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
