Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
