So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
