And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
