am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
