am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
