So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
