Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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