Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
