took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
