You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Quick, to the slutcave!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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