Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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