Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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