Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
