Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
