thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
