do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
