New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
