Plan B is the new Plan A
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
