I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
