Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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