My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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