It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When are your genitals available?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
