Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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