He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
