Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
try to milk me bitch
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
