I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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